Hustler Magazine May 2008

Lucy Komisar Exposes the Bush Family's Crime Bank

In an exclusive interview for HUSTLER, investigative reporter Lucy Komisar has revealed that the notorious Bank of Credit and Commerce International “was a dirty bank being used by the Bushes.” Komisar has found a network of fraud and money laundering linking BCCI, the Bush White House, the CIA and foreign renegades like Osama bin Laden. According to Komisar’s research, “The CIA was really at the head of a gigantic coverup” of BCCI’s ties to international black ops.

Reverend Billy Takes on Wal-Mart

The Church of Stop Shopping’s fiery preacher, Reverend Billy Talen, has made a name for himself exorcising the demons of unscrupulous retailers and shopping-addicted consumers. Now the hero of Morgan “Super Size Me” Spurlock’s new film “What Would Jesus Buy?” gives HUSTLER readers an inside look at his campaign. “I go into the Big Boxes [like Wal-Mart] and say ‘you stole our commons.’ We shout and dance and sing and preach.” The good Reverend frequently faces off with Big Box security. “We’ll preach in front of a store, on a public sidewalk; but if you have a camera, their first response is, ‘We want that tape!’ Then you say, ‘No, you can’t have it. I’m on public property and I have the right to take a picture of the front of your store.’” The Reverend’s “holy writ” is the U.S. Constitution, which is “what Jesus recited often in some shape or form. [Our] values,” says Rev. Billy, “are in sync with Christianity.”

Comedian Earthquake's Love Secrets

Howard Stern’s favorite new comedian, Earthquake, dropped a bombshell about our neocon Secretary of State in his first-ever HUSTLER interview: “I would fuck Condoleezza! Fuck the shit out of her.” On a related topic, he said about the working rich: “I don't understand how people get a hundred million dollars and still work. What the fuck you working for?! Give me that and I’d be on the couch with a hundred million, smoking a nice one and calling Condi on the phone.” He also let us in on his secret to true love: “One word: outsourcing! Like any good corporation, I outsource my lovin’. Get me a woman that is overseas and affordable.”

Behind the Mysterious Death of A Porn Princess

Porn-world insider Scott Fayner has probed the strange case of Latina porn star Haley Paige and her notorious husband “Wanker” Wang, both of whom ended up dead in separate motel rooms in late 2007. The police investigation remains inconclusive. Fayner, who personally knew the 25-year-old Paige, reveals that the girl’s downward spiral included a mother brainwashed by a cult, an alleged kidnapping, sexual abuse and plenty of drugs. As for Wang, it turns out he had “the cold heart of a violent, alcoholic predator,” with a record of sexual battery and assault. Is it any surprise that Paige wound up dead just three weeks after she married “the monster” Wang?

The May issue goes on sale March 5, 2008

REDISCOVER HUSTLER

Contact hustler@lfp.com for all inquiries